जिस रोज़ मैने गिले-शिकवों को मिटा दिया,
उस दर्द के मैं कायल,
जिसने खुदा मिला दिया ।
डूंडती रही जहां में, हर दर पर, हर दरगा में,
इक झटके में उसकी रहमत ने,
मुझमें, दीदार करा दिया।
उस दर्द के मैं कायल,
जिसने खुदा मिला दिया ।
सारे ज़रिए छूटे, सारे आडंबर टूटे,
मन के भावों में सिमटे गए,
जीवन के फ़लसफ़े ।
दिखते हैं रास्ते तेरी ही रहमत से,
तूने इस जीवन को मुकमल बना दिया।
उस दर्द के मैं कायल, जिसने खुदा मिला दिया ।
Cheers to life!
The rush, the excitement, the thrill, the passion, the drive, the power given by money, position, status, superiority! That game, that sport, and the winning stance… Blood rushing in the veins. We call it enjoyment, pleasure, and whatnot…
This is our life. Leading to happiness?
Welcome to the world of biochemicals in the blood. Adrenaline in the blood is responsible for all the thrill, passion, excitement, fight or flight, etc.
The research states that people who are addicted to alcohol or nicotine are not addicted to the substance but to ‘dopamine rush’. It starts the pleasure-motivation-reward cycle. It is not only in things and events but also in simple activities like scrolling on the smartphone… we are addicted to dopamine. Sometimes a “Newness” also gives a “high”. We all seek it. We shift our room’s furniture to make it look different. We renovate, renew, and change things. Looking for happiness in newness! New clothes, new phones, new car, new house, new friends, new job, a new hobby… Cheers to addiction!
It all goes unnoticed. We are not even aware. The feel-good is so essential for our existence. Many people show-off their stuff, their possessions, their knowledge, their goodness, kindness, spirituality, and righteousness; to feel good about themselves. Seeking validation from others is vital for their survival.
It is the narrative or “our story” that we keep telling ourselves. A story about who we are and what our worth is. It is all about how we want to feel good! Strangely, it is not about others but all about how we see ourselves! Seeing oneself is a psychological term. Since in therapy, I have started to pick up the jargon. This intrigues me- how do we see ourselves! “See”? What does this mean? It is perhaps the most difficult concept that I have ever faced. I am still trying to figure it out. It seems that it means to observe self. However, it is not that simple, especially when you have been living in autopilot mode with all the layers of social conditioning. It is killing. It is so painful. I never knew that ‘thoughts’ could be painful! It is like you are getting a heart attack and you sit with it and feel all the discomfort every second. And after a while, that voice, that is different from the narrative, starts to point out all that is in the background. Things begin to show up. Then come out the “skeletons from the closet”. Then we being to “see” ourselves. We see how little we see-through situations and how little we know ourselves. ( I discovered I was a stranger to me.)
We are all part of this system or society per se. In this journey of life, we have gathered our beliefs also know as social conditioning. Without our knowledge these become our truths. We start to identify with them. These become our parameters or checklist to judge others and ourselves erroneously! We start to define ourselves. We now blend and become a part of the same “system”. The ingrained beliefs thus limit us.
We love things, don’t we? So, should we renounce and become monks and embrace the frugal lifestyle and ‘toxic’ positivity? Should we become a minimalist…?
Self-audit. See and meet yourself and ask the right questions, for your truth may be different than mine! Honour it. As of now, cheers to Dopamine and Adrenaline… You rule!
Cheers friends! We are high on life! Nevermind the matrix!!! (sarcasm intended!)
Life keeps tossing challenges at us every day like a ping pong ball. Ping…pong… I can visualize it right now. 🙂
What has ping pong to do with challenges?
Well, today I am writing after a long time. These days usually I have to write reflection as I am going through therapy for my PTSD which is usually very heavy stuff to share.
However, today, on the Independence Day, I reflect as an Indian. Many times we want to do great things for our country. We are filled with patriotic flavour, especially on these days when we celebrate the Independence Day or Republic day or when India wins the World Cup! We as masses are swept in this wave of ecstatic patriotism flooding through everything we do. We go wishing everyone, sending messages on social media, the color of dishes, dresses, the decoration theme of the entire nation is tricolors. Sadly, the wave recedes with the same intensity with which it arose. Within a day of broadcasting the celebrations, the news surges with the usual crime, fraud, corruption, rape, and murder headlines. The wave that seemed to have immersed the entire nation in patriotic flavor dries as if it never prevailed.
So, where is the gap? Personally, I feel we need to be mindful of what we do and how we live to be a real patriot. People who do or have done so much for the country, are the people who live from an awareness of what role they have in the country.
This quote always stays in my mind, I don’t know who wrote this, I often quote it during my lectures.
“Do what you can,
Being who you are.
Be a glow-worm,
If you cannot be a star,
Be a pully,
If you cannot be a crane.
Be a wheel greaser,
If you cannot drive a train!”
It dates back to 2017. Having been bedridden for a few months due to spinal cord injury. I thought I had lost it to life. I lost my job and missed my usual routine. All I dreamt was to walk on my feet, day and night. After spells of crying and helplessness, one day I decided. I gathered all my will power and committed myself to my healing. I got acupressure treatment, yoga, and physiotherapy. My entire focus was on getting back on my feet. I was dreading a life on a wheelchair. Those were the days that changed me in and out. As soon as I was able to walk I started the walk in the park. Initially, I was giddy and could take only one or two rounds of a park. It took me six months to be able to walk as average people did. As I was going through a rough patch in my married life, I was also emotionally unstable. I started going to Sukhna lake for a walk everyday. It took me 1 hour and 25-35 minutes to walk from end to the other and back. Within 3 months my stamina increased. There was an event walk-a-thon( a walk for cause) for awareness for organ donation and as I started walking with the youngsters of college and school, in no time I was at the other end. To my amazement I was the first one to reach the end in almost 15 minutes and was awarded a certificate. I was feeling so proud of myself on my “achievement”.
So very delighted!
As I reached the other end towards the parking, I saw a man who had just one leg, doing push ups. He was wearing a Tshirt with national flag. All my pride was humbled in minutes as I saw him workout with so much difficulty. I have always been an introvert, but that day I gathered my courage to talk to this man. 
I walked to him and introduced myself. I told him I was school teacher and asked if he could tell me what happened. He told me that he was a national Table Tennis champion and while saving a child in an accident, he lost his leg. Now, he represented India in para games, regularly bringing laurels in international table tennis events. He had been awarded a gallantry award and numerous prizes. I would always remember meeting Mr. Mukesh Kumar that day. While it humbled me, it instilled in me, a zeal to do what was in my capacity, giving my hundred percent. This reiterated to me, that living with awareness is true patriotism. Jai hind!
I see shadows big and thick.
They walk, dance and sometimes trip.
To me, they are featureless with no expressions.
To me, they are flat with no emotions.
To me feelings are intriguing and deceptive.
To all the chaos, I am susceptive.
I lack depth and rigidity.
I lack that intensity.
I wonder why I am shallow? Why all my feelings are hollow?
Is it my numbness or have I changed into unfeeling and biased dame?
Why I have to wonder what I feel?
Why do I need to pause and gather my thoughts?
Why I need time to recollect me and retrospect?
Why I am not spontaneous, even to my own self?
It makes me wonder, what’s the way I exist?
Am I a stranger, even to me?
How can I know, what I feel?
How can I discern my own perspective?
How can I decipher my mystery before I mingle into history?
Expectations from you ever soaring.
Detachment is what is expected.
Comply not defy.
Life is a game.
Why is then sensitivity insane?
Why is it a weakness?
We are taught to be spectators and just stay.
To be simply convenient fillers.
Be the pawn in the game!
An insignificant nobody!
Too ordinary.
So, they attain sadist pleasure.
Reduces one to nothingness.
The society reigns.
Thus, he call it quits,
Exits the ring broken.
Mute.
मेरी ख़ामोशी आइ पास मेरे,
कुछ बोली मुझसे,
मन की गिरहा टटोली उसने,
सतह: पे कुछ उभरी तसवीरें,
गहराइ मे झाँनका तो मिले लम्हे
कुछ गुमसुम और कुछ सहमें से
इनहें था कभी संजोया,
मोतियों की तरह,
सपनो को पिरोया,
फिर इंतज़ार किया खुशियों का,
क्यों मेरा आज
है मौहताज उन लम्हों का?
समय की फ़ितरत ही है, जैसे बेवफा़,
इन लम्हों को कुछ बहका-सा गया,
काल वक्त ने युहीं इतना मुझे हसाया,
आज यही वक्त बेवज़ह ही रुला गया।
लो कर रही हुँ मैं बीते लम्हों को आजा़द,
सुन अपनी खामोशी के संकुचित सी आवाज़,
अब लौटके जाना नहीं मुनासिब,
परछाइयों से निकलकर, नई दुनिया होगी हासिल ।
Why do we call life a battle?
Why do we have to strike?
Why do we call ourselves warriors?
Who do we have to fight?
Life can be simple, beautiful yet plain,
Where we enjoy the play in sunshine and rain,
Where we can extend our hand and reach out to our friends,
Where we don’t inflict pain, in our self-defense.
Why by comparison, be a skeptic?
Why, is our reason rhetoric?
In our uniqueness, let us be free,
May you be you, please, let me be me!
Sometimes I think this fight has been planted in our heads,
To make us feel like warriors, to propel us with impetus,
Why in all this we, always believe?
Between us exist no war, neither any victory,
Here, we are all travelers,
Just seeking simple pleasures,
We all have to depart someday,
So, let us celebrate our today!
Musings - An Endeavour to writing 