Tag: abuse

Cheers! We are all happily addicted!

by Monika Dewan, posted in Uncategorized
Chemical cocktail 🤔

Cheers to life!
The rush, the excitement, the thrill, the passion, the drive, the power given by money, position, status, superiority! That game, that sport, and the winning stance… Blood rushing in the veins. We call it enjoyment, pleasure, and whatnot…
This is our life. Leading to happiness?
Welcome to the world of biochemicals in the blood. Adrenaline in the blood is responsible for all the thrill, passion, excitement, fight or flight, etc.
The research states that people who are addicted to alcohol or nicotine are not addicted to the substance but to ‘dopamine rush’. It starts the pleasure-motivation-reward cycle. It is not only in things and events but also in simple activities like scrolling on the smartphone… we are addicted to dopamine. Sometimes a “Newness” also gives a “high”. We all seek it. We shift our room’s furniture to make it look different. We renovate, renew, and change things. Looking for happiness in newness! New clothes, new phones, new car, new house, new friends, new job, a new hobby… Cheers to addiction!
It all goes unnoticed. We are not even aware. The feel-good is so essential for our existence. Many people show-off their stuff, their possessions, their knowledge, their goodness, kindness, spirituality, and righteousness; to feel good about themselves. Seeking validation from others is vital for their survival.
It is the narrative or “our story” that we keep telling ourselves. A story about who we are and what our worth is. It is all about how we want to feel good! Strangely, it is not about others but all about how we see ourselves!  Seeing oneself is a psychological term. Since in therapy, I have started to pick up the jargon. This intrigues me- how do we see ourselves! “See”? What does this mean? It is perhaps the most difficult concept that I have ever faced. I am still trying to figure it out.  It seems that it means to observe self. However, it is not that simple, especially when you have been living in autopilot mode with all the layers of social conditioning. It is killing. It is so painful. I never knew that ‘thoughts’ could be painful! It is like you are getting a heart attack and you sit with it and feel all the discomfort every second. And after a while, that voice, that is different from the narrative, starts to point out all that is in the background. Things begin to show up. Then come out the “skeletons from the closet”. Then we being to “see” ourselves. We see how little we see-through situations and how little we know ourselves. ( I discovered I was a stranger to me.)
We are all part of this system or society per se. In this journey of life, we have gathered our beliefs also know as social conditioning. Without our knowledge these become our truths. We start to identify with them. These become our parameters or checklist to judge others and ourselves erroneously! We start to define ourselves. We now blend and become a part of the same “system”. The ingrained beliefs thus limit us.

We love things, don’t we? So, should we renounce and become monks and embrace the frugal lifestyle and ‘toxic’ positivity? Should we become a minimalist…?
Self-audit. See and meet yourself and ask the right questions, for your truth may be different than mine! Honour it. As of now, cheers to Dopamine and  Adrenaline… You rule!

Cheers friends! We are high on life! Nevermind the matrix!!! (sarcasm intended!)

Enjoy the song-
Happier🌞

My apology as a parent

by Monika Dewan, posted in Life, Parenting, Sad, Uncategorized

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created by Monika

12 July, 2020
Dear Childen

Subject: Your mother’s apology for deficit parenting.

My Dear Children,
I wish life would have been like a Sci-Fi movie, required ‘customised’ software would get download in parents brains the moment a child was born. A software; tailor-made and customised as per the needs of that unique child that was born. A software that would instruct the parent’s brains to handle the child as per his instruction manual effortlessly. And believe you me, the world would be a better place in no time!
Today research has proven that the behavioural issues, mental health issues and many unsuccessful people have childhood issues as the root cause.
In Indian society, the child is supposed to bind and cement the marriage. How ironical that a relationship that two married adults and their families can not “fix” is expected to be cemented by a small 2.5kg bundle of love who doesn’t even know who he/she was!
At 24 years, I was holding in my arms a bundle of joy… I was a mother at that time when I did not fully understand what parenting meant. Then again at 30 years. Looking back is not easy for me today.
Dear children, as I go picking up my scattered pieces I realize that the residue was piercing you. The fragments of me exist in you. With all my weakness as an immature mother, I tripped time and again. With no formal parenting education, all I could do was to experiment with my instincts to give you what I considered the best. When I became a mother I did not know that it is in this role my best and the worst comes to play. I have at times collapsed under the pressure of maintaining our existence, work and attending to your needs (physiological, emotional, mental). I have many regrets. I “could have” and “should have” are many… However today I am writing this apology for having not come up to mine and your expectations and for having not known better. However, with the new realization (acquired as a result of my facing my own mental health issues and traumas) I promise to be more mindfully present for you. Will try to rectify my parenting deficits. This life is a journey and the cycle will continue in each generation. Love grows when we let go of all the grudges and build trust and acceptance. Thank you for being my bundles of joy! May God bless you as you continue to grow into wonderful human beings.
Love
Monika

Time Flies

by Monika Dewan, posted in Uncategorized

Time Flies

Hitting was his style of showing that he was in control. 

He was the authority in here! She was to be tamed- not because she was wrong, but because she was a woman. A mindset many Indian males harbor. Hurling abuses at her, he punched her in the face. Pushed her out of the door and locked her out. She stood staring at the closed door and crying. She was angry and hurt. She walked towards the road in rage, leaving her child behind. It was a frequent pattern. She struggled to exit this loop. The more she tried, the more she found herself caught in the quicksand of circumstances. This time he had hit and  locked her out of the house.

Out in the dark night, it was pouring heavily. For once she could cry loudly, for sound of rain drowned her cries. For once she need not hide her tears, as they got camouflaged on her wet face.

The water soaked her clothes, her body and penetrated deep in her soul. She could feel the shivers as they rose to her spine. She was drenched in pain. The emptiness of the roads sank into her heart. It felt very heavy. Not knowing where to go she went and sat on a bench in the park.

It was sad and dark rainy night. Still and desolate. Rain continued to pour heavily. A shrilling pain in her arm reminded her of the bruiser. She touched it. Blood oozing from it was continuously getting diluted by rain water. The bump on forehead reminded her of its presence. To her zapped mind her pain was the proof of being alive.

It is the strange property of pain… Intense pain numbs, and numbness in turn decreases its intensity. Its is the mechanism God has devised for humans to cope torture. 

Her blank state of mind disturbed as she saw two shadows walking towards her. She sprang to her feet and ran towards the unfamiliar by lanes with shadows chasing behind her. Two men were fast catching up with her. She saw the gate of a house slightly open. She entered and hid in the shadows of the plants in the veranda. Her heart pounding fast. What if someone came from inside and asked her why she was trespassing their property. The men stood there for about five minutes and left. She heard a dog barking form inside. She came out of her hiding carefully keeping in the shadows, walked in the direction of her rented one room accommodation.  Her body stiff with pain. When she reached the house, the door was not locked. She entered. Her husband was holding the four month old baby girl, trying to rock her to sleep.  Taking a quick shower she took the baby in her care. She wondered how God trusted her with so much responsibility. She thanked God for that tiny bundle of joy as she held her in her arms! 

She awoke with the announcement for fastening seat belts. Her eyes were moist. Now her bundle of joy had grown up to be a fine young woman, whom she was visiting at Vancouver. The flight was about to land at the airport in no time. 

God has his own way to lead those who believe in him.