Dopamine – Musings – An Endeavour to writing

Cheers to life!
The rush, the excitement, the thrill, the passion, the drive, the power given by money, position, status, superiority! That game, that sport, and the winning stance… Blood rushing in the veins. We call it enjoyment, pleasure, and whatnot…
This is our life. Leading to happiness?
Welcome to the world of biochemicals in the blood. Adrenaline in the blood is responsible for all the thrill, passion, excitement, fight or flight, etc.
The research states that people who are addicted to alcohol or nicotine are not addicted to the substance but to ‘dopamine rush’. It starts the pleasure-motivation-reward cycle. It is not only in things and events but also in simple activities like scrolling on the smartphone… we are addicted to dopamine. Sometimes a “Newness” also gives a “high”. We all seek it. We shift our room’s furniture to make it look different. We renovate, renew, and change things. Looking for happiness in newness! New clothes, new phones, new car, new house, new friends, new job, a new hobby… Cheers to addiction!
It all goes unnoticed. We are not even aware. The feel-good is so essential for our existence. Many people show-off their stuff, their possessions, their knowledge, their goodness, kindness, spirituality, and righteousness; to feel good about themselves. Seeking validation from others is vital for their survival.
It is the narrative or “our story” that we keep telling ourselves. A story about who we are and what our worth is. It is all about how we want to feel good! Strangely, it is not about others but all about how we see ourselves! Seeing oneself is a psychological term. Since in therapy, I have started to pick up the jargon. This intrigues me- how do we see ourselves! “See”? What does this mean? It is perhaps the most difficult concept that I have ever faced. I am still trying to figure it out. It seems that it means to observe self. However, it is not that simple, especially when you have been living in autopilot mode with all the layers of social conditioning. It is killing. It is so painful. I never knew that ‘thoughts’ could be painful! It is like you are getting a heart attack and you sit with it and feel all the discomfort every second. And after a while, that voice, that is different from the narrative, starts to point out all that is in the background. Things begin to show up. Then come out the “skeletons from the closet”. Then we being to “see” ourselves. We see how little we see-through situations and how little we know ourselves. ( I discovered I was a stranger to me.)
We are all part of this system or society per se. In this journey of life, we have gathered our beliefs also know as social conditioning. Without our knowledge these become our truths. We start to identify with them. These become our parameters or checklist to judge others and ourselves erroneously! We start to define ourselves. We now blend and become a part of the same “system”. The ingrained beliefs thus limit us.

We love things, don’t we? So, should we renounce and become monks and embrace the frugal lifestyle and ‘toxic’ positivity? Should we become a minimalist…?
Self-audit. See and meet yourself and ask the right questions, for your truth may be different than mine! Honour it. As of now, cheers to Dopamine and Adrenaline… You rule!

Cheers friends! We are high on life! Nevermind the matrix!!! (sarcasm intended!)

Enjoy the song-
Happier🌞

“What is that you truly desire?” A twinkle in Lucifer’s deep eyes would force all to reveal their hidden desires. He closely observed them as the human struggled to get away from his clutches…

Today the overwhelm and restlessness was making him pace in the room. Alcohol seemed ineffective in drowning his anxiety. Why on earth was he thinking about emotions? Those insignificant nothings! Humans were weak for they gambled with them.
He was unable to gather what had started this chain of thoughts. It is always the voice in the head that wants to control the narrative. It seems to want all the answers.

He struggled with trying to know his own desires. Unable to distinguish between feelings and sensations. The only emotions he had ever understood were being “happy” and “unhappy” . Simple. No complexity. Why? Alexithymia, is it?

As a child, he had always managed himself well. Strong and always in control. He learned this as he was told crying and emotions were for girls. Men were brave. Brave? Or emotionless? As a young boy, he struggled to receive from his Dad an acknowledgment for recognition for being himself. His worth. Often dismissed as insignificant, not meeting those expectations his parents had from him. He struggled and gave up. His silent cries could not reach his father’s heart then and his silent sighs go unheard even now. Emotions defy time and age. Boundaries or walls? Or just perceptions? A path to cognitive disassociation.

Distant cold mess. Unforgiving his parents for letting him be what he was. He hated himself for the meaningless storm and rage he carried. A fire constantly burned within him. A Hell!

Today, unable to brush aside his overwhelm, he stood in front of the mirror and looked in his own ember eyes with that familiar twinkle… What is that you truly desire..?

His reflection echoed… “I desire to get rid of all my fears!” “Fears?” His devils reflection seemed to nudge. Lost in introspection he sighed. The reflection continued to speak in his mind…
“Fear of my own individuality, fear of my essence as a being and above all fear of being loved as I am!”

“Impossible!” Echoed another voice somewhere. Loud and clear. Drowning all the chatter.

Silence.
The darkness began to rise in the eternal night. Upsurged within him together the shame and sorrow; resentment and wild rage that could destroy humanity. He detested humans for their selfishness, greed and all the vices, however, he hated himself more for all the wrath and vengeance he carried in his heart.

But, anger is not always anger! It can be all the emotions you can’t express. Anger springing up from insecurity, betrayal, helplessness, from feeling unworthy, sad, frustrated, and anger for Alexithymia itself!

There is more good in a person but the society always points to what is not. All the emotional obsession with chaos, itself is a reconstruction of complicated trauma.

Hemp giving the same intensity of dopamine that love did. Flirtations games and addictions, the same amount of adrenaline rush. The emotional states unleashed, unmindfully!
Cognitive distraughtion. Anger, grief, shame, sadness seem to drown in liquor, all those painful experienced would have healed the so-called invincible being trying to escaping the matrix!

God smiled at his son meaningfully, “Son, remember that you have free will to abandon or to accept. Being worthy is a choice. Undoubtedly, healing is messy!”

It is not about changing the world, on which we have no control but recognizing own worth. It is noteworthy that you can take your power back by accepting all the pain and the hurt others caused you. Accept yourself, you still are worthy. Self regulate. Choose to ask this anger- where do you come from? Why am I feeling all this anger? What is that I need to focus on? What do I fear? Why, what, how ?

So now, do look in the mirror and ask what it is that I truly want to be? What all you want will surely follow when you are determined. Reset. Reclaim. Be the authentic being you are meant to be!

Tag: Dopamine

Cheers! We are all happily addicted!

The Devil insight…