addiction – Musings – An Endeavour to writing

Trapped in a gloomy dungeon.
Everywhere darkness adorned.
There prevailed chains,
Brokenness, and pain.
Everything unreasonable and insane.
With all the might, I put up a fight.
Depleting me of my energy.
As I wriggled out of the dungeon, slowly.
There was light so bright.
Dazzled, I lost my sight.
Suddenly, the world was a new place.
As though I was born again!
I trembled as I crawled I got assistance and I survived.
Some motivated me in my despair.
Some offered me kindness and care.
Someone share a laugh.
Someone convinced me I was enough.
I tried to gather my strength to walk.
I was feeling weak still.
The ascent is always a steep uphill.
I saw a hand stretched towards me.
I took its support like crutches.
I walked a few steps and felt powerful.
As the weather changes, so does time.
Those dependencies are nothing but enzymes.
Chemicals in the brain create that fog.
The more you want something,
The further it got!
But I was in an unusual ‘high’.
Love gives you these wings.
Freedom to float anywhere, freedom to say anything.
Fantasy is a flight towards a dream.
Yes, I understand the science behind it all.
Mysteries, build adrenaline rush,
And push us to do hard things.
The ‘high’ is sufficient to move a mountain.
Is this ‘high’ making me an addict, insane?
In your world, you see the same stars.
Awestruck, we see the same moon from afar.
My mind and heart feel so connected,
Though the distance between us cannot be measured.

How do I see a sameness in differentiation?
There is a strong connection in this separation!
Although, I love the thought that we could be together,
This is but just a thought.
I want to feel close, yet I want to stay afar.
I am living in paradox.
Maybe, I am in love with this paradox.
Or is it that, I feel we are not apart?
Maybe I am imagining, what you’ll be,
It may just be my fantasy.
Maybe I distraught the reality,
Maybe I assume what is not!
Maybe there is more that I do not see.
Yet, it is making me the person I always wanted to be.

Cheers to life!
The rush, the excitement, the thrill, the passion, the drive, the power given by money, position, status, superiority! That game, that sport, and the winning stance… Blood rushing in the veins. We call it enjoyment, pleasure, and whatnot…
This is our life. Leading to happiness?
Welcome to the world of biochemicals in the blood. Adrenaline in the blood is responsible for all the thrill, passion, excitement, fight or flight, etc.
The research states that people who are addicted to alcohol or nicotine are not addicted to the substance but to ‘dopamine rush’. It starts the pleasure-motivation-reward cycle. It is not only in things and events but also in simple activities like scrolling on the smartphone… we are addicted to dopamine. Sometimes a “Newness” also gives a “high”. We all seek it. We shift our room’s furniture to make it look different. We renovate, renew, and change things. Looking for happiness in newness! New clothes, new phones, new car, new house, new friends, new job, a new hobby… Cheers to addiction!
It all goes unnoticed. We are not even aware. The feel-good is so essential for our existence. Many people show-off their stuff, their possessions, their knowledge, their goodness, kindness, spirituality, and righteousness; to feel good about themselves. Seeking validation from others is vital for their survival.
It is the narrative or “our story” that we keep telling ourselves. A story about who we are and what our worth is. It is all about how we want to feel good! Strangely, it is not about others but all about how we see ourselves! Seeing oneself is a psychological term. Since in therapy, I have started to pick up the jargon. This intrigues me- how do we see ourselves! “See”? What does this mean? It is perhaps the most difficult concept that I have ever faced. I am still trying to figure it out. It seems that it means to observe self. However, it is not that simple, especially when you have been living in autopilot mode with all the layers of social conditioning. It is killing. It is so painful. I never knew that ‘thoughts’ could be painful! It is like you are getting a heart attack and you sit with it and feel all the discomfort every second. And after a while, that voice, that is different from the narrative, starts to point out all that is in the background. Things begin to show up. Then come out the “skeletons from the closet”. Then we being to “see” ourselves. We see how little we see-through situations and how little we know ourselves. ( I discovered I was a stranger to me.)
We are all part of this system or society per se. In this journey of life, we have gathered our beliefs also know as social conditioning. Without our knowledge these become our truths. We start to identify with them. These become our parameters or checklist to judge others and ourselves erroneously! We start to define ourselves. We now blend and become a part of the same “system”. The ingrained beliefs thus limit us.

We love things, don’t we? So, should we renounce and become monks and embrace the frugal lifestyle and ‘toxic’ positivity? Should we become a minimalist…?
Self-audit. See and meet yourself and ask the right questions, for your truth may be different than mine! Honour it. As of now, cheers to Dopamine and Adrenaline… You rule!

Cheers friends! We are high on life! Nevermind the matrix!!! (sarcasm intended!)

Enjoy the song-
Happier🌞

Tag: addiction

Emotional crutches?

Cheers! We are all happily addicted!