Oh Hell! Stuck on a Hamster’s wheel?

Hell is not a place. It exists as a state of mind. Where the senses appear to collapse under the intense sensory overload. Hell can feel like an eternity. It is a living death. Suffering or pain afflicts in all possible forms. Pain could either be physical or psychological or both. Pain is a protective biological process to keep a person safe. It creates neurotransmitters in the brain for future reference. The paradox is, that pain, is not a conscious form of energy. It does not know if the response to it is for the better or not. Our unconscious brain has a characteristic, that, it gets attached to repetition. People can get addicted to pain, as it seems a familiar place to be. Trapped in a painful situation, people are unable to step down the hamster’s wheel. They keep repeating the cycle of pain. The situations or people who trigger pain may be varied, at different phases of life. However, the outcome is the same pain. When a person lives this way, he is experiencing helplessness and feels trapped in hell. It takes a tremendous amount of work to break the cycle. Occasionally a person can identify, some kind of pattern in the mistakes he repeatedly makes. As a result, guilt and shame give rise to much mental and emotional suffering. His brain gets signals to be hyper-vigilant or over-cautious. This may push him into a state of inactivity or numbness. The fear of making the same mistakes prevents him from taking control of his life. Unable to take accountability for his actions, further leads to the feeling of being trapped in hell. New neurotransmitters can only be established when we do new things.  When we walk the unknown path or identify and change our patterns. Even when we are mindful, we might still somehow end up making the same mistakes. We might feel, incapable of getting down the hamster’s wheel. It may seem as if we are going round in loops. However, it is significant to understand that when we are conscious of our inner realities, the path is not a circle anymore. The trajectory becomes a spiral. Multidimensional. When we visit similar situations and similar mistakes, with more understanding and compassion it leads to our growth and recovery.  The journey gets transformed into a healing spiral where we gain more wisdom to neutralize our reactivity towards suffering. This learning leads to our emancipation from suffering. Acknowledging the function that pain plays can guide us to a better understanding of our defense mechanisms. The key to growth and change lies in its acceptance and not in avoidance. So, with self-awareness, we can reconstruct a favorable life with amazing outcomes. We can step down the hamster’s wheel leading to liberation from our hell!

Happily a misfit

Knock knock…
Who is there?
It’s me.
What do you wear, Gucci?
No, a simple T. Oh is it!!
Where do you eat, at fine dining?
No, I love the street.
So downmarket!!!
Hey, you don’t walk in elegance and style!
I don’t know.
How do you achieve it?
Believe me, I tried!
I tried to read and understand.
I strived to choose the best values,
I tried to live my life humanely,
I preferred kindness,
I connected with joy,
I learned to recognize my ego,
I discovered how to silence my mind.
Oh! I think you have comprehended it wrongly!
For you to be somebody,
You need to do just the contrary!
You will not accomplish anything like this!
Start again. This time try harder.
Kill that compassion. Keep that nose up.
Your head in the air.
And attitude, high.
For you to be valued,
Conceal the true you.
Keep them guessing.
Keep them at bay.
Allow the price tags to talk, Okay???
Oh no…! Why put up an act?
I can’t do all this… !
I only know how to be me.
Authenticity is crucial to my being!
Maybe, I am naive.
Maybe, I will never learn worldly ways.
Maybe, this would keep me alienated.
Maybe, I go astray.
Yet, this is what I choose to be.
Happily a misfit!

Bottomless Pit?

Picture source unknown

For those hugs and kisses,
Love’s sweet nothings,
All the emotions,
Amounting to devotion,
Upon him, were bestowed.
His heart was big.
It still wanted more.
Dreams were big,
The desire for more.
High passions and intense craving.
For possessions and to be a somebody.
Yet, inspite of all effort,
And being surrounded by wonderful people,
And inspite all the motivation,
With all the reasons which could bring him possible victories…
That never happened;
Was it ever meant to be?
His heart was angry, lonely, and longing.
Craving for what? A mystery?
For what he thought would be provided by another,
It was his own soul’s yearning.
His heart was big,
Its yearning was bigger.
Everything that went inside it,
Disappeared infinitely,
Tenderness failed to affect him.
Undoubtedly, his heart was magnetic.
It pulled affection towards it. 
Even though, that heart waited for someone to stitch its damage,
Yet, whoever came close was pushed away.
For distance appeared safe.
Self-sabotage, though it was,
He knew no other way.
Only, if he could break this pattern.
Learning to give and receive love.
Feeling safety in closeness as in distance.
Rising in love, and not letting ego drown everything.
Accepting the uneasiness that comes with another’s close presence.
For love is unconditional, it is compassion.
Trusting someone enough to let things shift.
Till then, his heart with its emptiness is,
Nothing but a bottomless pit!