“Control” is an interesting word. We all understand that the only thing, we possibly can control, is ourselves. So, when I mention control here, it is regarding self. We read about quotes like these – “If you don’t control your emotions they will rule you.” And “You can change your destiny by controlling your thoughts.” On my healing journey, I realized that this word is misplaced. We all are going through transformation and change and so should the word “control” in its context. I think it needs to be replaced by a more compassionate phrase – Self-regulation. I am in love with the world of words, and I find self-regulation to be organic and apt to substitute the word “control” in these quotes and in life in general. Rephrasing the quotes: “If you don’t self-regulate your emotions they will rule you.” And “You can change your destiny by self-regulating your thoughts.”
What is the difference? How does this even matter? The major difference is the vibration and connotation of the word.
Controlling is indicative of denial. It slowly builds resentment within. Self-regulation suggests acceptance and reflection with a desire for a favorable change. It does not bring resentment but builds confidence. The need to control thoughts, emotions, etc. implies there exists a state of powerlessness. Whereas, the word self-regulation shows that we already possess the power. It shows awareness of the situation that requires to be regulated.
Self-regulation is one of those points where spirituality and psychology converge. It is here divine inner spark is felt. While practicing self-regulation we can detach from the situation and avoid reactivity. Usually, self-regulation can be achieved using healthy mechanisms and tools like meditation, journaling, and exercise. Control is achieved by numbing, using alcohol, excessive eating, workaholism, manipulation, or such stuff (for self). Control works on the ego level. It seems to demonstrate strength. However, self-regulation operates on a deeper soul level to bring about a peaceful shift. It helps us to achieve alignment between body and mind. Goals can be achieved using either of them (or occasionally both of them) with practice. After all, the choice is ours. Transformation in any aspect of our life happens only when we integrate our learning with the choices we make. Quoting Carl Jung, “I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
After all, we decide our vibe!
Musings - An Endeavour to writing 